February 17

Sitting here in front of the fire with the dogs and Robbie, I feel a sense of gratitude and peace from today. Radiation was cancelled today due to the holiday. After heading to the 7am meeting with mom, dad came back exhausted and spent the rest of the morning asleep. Hesitant to wake him up, we all headed out on our separate errands. When I heard from him, he mentioned he thinking a lot about things. From the nature of our conversation, it was clear that he was having a pretty low day. I encouraged Hunter and Miles to reach out to dad, checked in with mom, and made my way home as soon as I could. 

When I got back, we spent some time discussing what was going on in his head, and where he was at with respect to the current reality. He’s pretty low, and working hard to stay in a positive mental space. The way I see it, the prognosis is what it is. The doctors can’t make an accurate prediction because every case is different. Though the news is grim and the expectations are difficult to swallow, there are a lot of things in dad’s control at the moment. Such as, his exercise and his nutrition. The fact that he’s able to exercise and improve in his strength, flexibility, and motor control means that he’s in a better physical condition to move forward. And the mind feeds off of the body’s state, especially with the help of good food. Anyways, we discussed the nature of general health, and looked at it from the perspective of his illness. Though dad’s pretty sharp these days, he really appreciates being reminded of important things to keep in mind. He’s incredibly receptive to ideas and explanations for decisions. In many ways, we’re all dealing with a lot of the same questions and realizations, though these strokes of insight weigh heaviest on dad. It’s healing to discuss our understanding of the situation together, and helps piece together the way we approach the future. 

After lunch and our conversation at home, Robbie, dad, and I headed to Tae Kwon Do. We all trained at Golden State for years, and it’s been really nice to go back to training now that I’m back in town. I’m hoping to move forward with my training and teach beginner’s TKD to the youngest kids (around 5-7 years old) now that I’m back. Watching me teach class and the visit with the instructors and other students was a happy break for dad today. Though he doesn’t always remember seek it out, he seems so cheery when he’s able to spend time with historic friends. It’s been about a week since Bob left town, so I imagine that the craving for visitors has started to resurface. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent running small errands for dad, and getting some groceries. As I’ve discussed in previous entries, dad thinks of small errands to do to get organized. Bags, tech products, hats, belts, and other things are all small fixations that he comes up with to get his work and living environment all situated. He’s happier when things are in order, and it’s a quick task for the rest of us. Plus, some of the best time together takes place getting from one errand to another. 

When we got back home around 6pm, Robbie and I started cooking dinner for the four of us. Dad set up the fire, which soon lured the dogs inside. Mom, dad, Robbie, and I enjoyed a slow meal together discussing future plans in CA. 

I look forward to tomorrow, and hope dad’s mental state is lighter. I know he’d appreciate phone calls and/or messages from each of you. 

With love.

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