February 2

Today was personally a very hard day for me. Bob, Charlie, and I dropped Erin off at the airport this evening after watching the Super Bowl at Andy and Mike’s house. Her visit was soothing, but far too short. It makes me ache to think of moving on in life further from her. My energy is tapped from saying goodbye to her today, so it would be economical to move onto other aspects of today. 

Dad took a shower on his own today! Granted, it took some “gentle” prodding to get him into the bathroom on my part, but he was pleased once he got in. I realized it’s been FIVE days since he showered. I went into his room this morning to find him shivering in bed, with all the blankets on top of him. This seemed like a good window to propose a hot shower, and he was under the hot water after 30 minutes of his prepping. Showering independently is a huge step for dad, and indicates how much stronger, more balanced, and coordinated he is. He still has a lot of trouble buttoning up his collard shirts, but otherwise he’s capable. Long term goal is to get him into the shower every other day. 

Dad had an early breakfast with Bob. After his shower, the three of us headed out to Stanford for some low-key errands and to get some fresh air, while Mom and Erin went to a meeting. We sat down to some clam chowder and a chocolate eclaire. Dad seemed to be in good (definitely better relative to yesterday) spirits, and was up for deeper conversation. He was also curious to know how I’d been feeling with this quick transformation. I’ve realized that time with dad should be viewed in minutes, rather than in days. There are wonderful moments where you’re really connecting, and those are followed by long periods of a less focused and less cued in version of himself. I remind myself that it’s important to just be there to savor those short moments, rather than to try seeking them out.

After errands, we got back home and dad rested for the rest of the day. He was planning on coming with the rest of us to Andy and Mike’s to watch the Super Bowl, but he was too exhausted to join when the time came around. So he and mom got some good rest time this afternoon. 

Week 4 of radiation and chemotherapy tomorrow. We hope for more rain for California, and a relaxed start to the week for dad. 

Grateful for all our company this weekend, especially Charlie, Bob, and Erin. Those three have been the foundation for the house’s relatively smooth running, and certainly my peace of mind. 

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