January 22

Mom headed the radiation run today, and noted how energized dad was. Hopefully the 18 hours of sleep helped him recover from the exhausting day yesterday. Mom and I are trying to share the work in the mornings, so I had a relaxed morning before meeting up with mom for a meeting with the social worker. 

Dad’s day was great: he and Danny had a great, long shower. So luxurious that dad even expressed how good it was. In all my years of knowing dad, I’ve never heard him talk about how good a shower was – it sort of contradicts his entire MO. When I got home from PAMF this afternoon, Danny was happy to report that he and dad headed out to grab lunch at the local seafood spot. They shared some chowder, as well as some fish and chips. Danny, a formidable man was unable to keep up with the way dad packs food away. This is a regular trend: Danny is always, always shocked by the amount of food dad demands, and he and I regularly share jokes about it. 

I joke about the cookies, but I don’t think that all the sugar is doing anything to help prevent the growth of dad’s cancer. When I raised the keto diet to dad’s doctor, Dr. Jackson mentioned that he thought that starting up a diet – especially a diet as intense as the keto diet – was a very bad idea, especially given my dad’s thinness. So we’re giving dad most everything he demands. But he’s demanding almost a box of cookies a day! I raise the point that all this sugar can’t be making him feel all that good, nor can’t be all that good for his body, but find myself unheard. So, dad will eat whatever he’s happy with in the house, or will send all his minions off to grab him a burger, some seafood, or anything else that happens to strike his fancy. 

Today was an incredibly emotional day for me: as we move into our third week at home, the reality is sinking further and further in. Both my brothers and Robbie are out of the house, and things are generally the same as they were a month ago, and the same as they will be in the foreseeable future. I’m working to figure out how I can move in a positive direction without tiring or overworking myself. In reality, I think it will just require the patience and kindness to wait for things to sort themselves out, as they are prone to do eventually. But today I am aching for my Boston family and deeply missing my world before a month ago. 

Dad is comfortable in his hospital bed, and the rest of us are all snuggled into bed. Jon Z is in town again for a visit (lucky us, as always!), and we were spoiled with fantastic food by Babsey and my grandmother. We ate some fresh bread and chicken curry in the warm company of Strand and Carlyn Sylvester – some of our closest family friends. 

Eyes are drooping with each passing minute. Safe and good, good night. 

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