January 21

When dad and I headed to radiation this morning, he was strikingly exhausted. He’s usually upbeat and ready for anything in the morning, so his depletion early on today was surprising. 

He’s reflected that the radiation sessions feel like a “nice meditation break” in his day. Aside from such comments, he hasn’t been one to talk about his illness. At times, he’ll mention something along the lines of “wow, this must be really hard to see your dad like this”, but this is the extent of his discussion. 

For me, I’ve felt periods of deep sadness, total frustration, and clearheaded organization required to just get some of what needs to be done, done. I remember during the first week of rehab in Santa Clara, I was sitting with him while he slept when I became overwhelmingly emotional. He heard me sniffling, and softly asked if I was okay. I went into his hospital bed and snuggled with him until he was ready to wake up. It’s difficult for me to know where his head’s at with this whole thing. He’s emotionally distant and often very disengaged. Not to mention, his attention span is short. Whether he’s too overwhelmed to talk about what’s going on, or he has yet to wrap his head around it all remains to be seen. 

Anyways, after radiation I got him to the nail salon. A bull-headed individualist all his life, he has gracefully welcomed some direction and help this past month. Although he wasn’t so inclined to get his nails done, he trusted me enough to consent. We went to our favorite spot, and my dad received his first ever pedicure. I’m not sure if it was on his bucket list before today, but I think he was pretty satisfied with the experience. Halfway through, he told me that “this was the call.” I imagine his future pedicures will be easier to motivate. 

We returned home straight from the nail salon, where dad spent the rest of the day in bed. He was utterly wiped, and didn’t have much of an appetite (barring cookies). All these cookies keep spoiling his appetite! We’re trying to figure out a way for him to get some real food in addition to the cookies. Perhaps a “no dessert before breakfast/lunch/dinner” rule can be implemented in the future. 

Danny came by around 11, and tried to engage my dad as best as he could. Unfortunately, once dad hits the bed around noon, it’s difficult to convince him to leave it. 

Tomorrow we’ll give him a good shower and take him for a walk around the neighborhood after his morning treatment.

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